I need a healing for my soul...

"I need a healing for my soul
So give me a healing for my soul
I need a healing for my soul
So give me a healing for my soul
(just for my soul I need healing)
Lord I'm looking for a new life so just for my soul
(just for my soul I need healing)
Lord I'm tired of crying all night so just for my soul
(just for my soul I need)
Lord I need thee oh I need thee
To take away this pain and misery
Cause god I just can't do this by myself
I need help lord..."

I am in love with this song. It actually matches the way I've been feeling lately. It's sad how often times it takes something to hit you hard on the head for you stop and think This is a ruse. I am still human, and I do have feelings. I feel that we as humans, women moreso, try to put on for our loves ones. What I mean is that, we try our best to maintain our cools. We try not to yell, and we evidently hide our feelings. We worry so much about the burden of other people, we tend to forget about ourselves.

Yesterday, that lesson was taught to me. I got into an argument with my cousin, who is younger than I am, and he was challenging me on the topic of maturity. He claimed that I was imature and that I won't be able to stand alone in college due to the following reasons:

• I do not drive.
• I do not have a job.
• I apparently "can't comb my hair"
• I rely too much on my parents
• I whine to my parents
• I rely too much on my boyfriend
• I whine to my boyfriend
• And he referred to the way I address my mom as "mommy" sometimes, and how I give my boyfriend little pet names such as "Noonie/Dookie Bear"

He claimed that he was "so much more" mature than I am, then it hit me. Why I am explaining myself to you? You're a CHILD. Compared to me. I told him things of this sort:

• I do not drive, because I am not worried about driving. On the other hand, its a bother to me anyway. I used to be excited about it, and now it irritates me. I don't like driving.
• I held a job for more than 18 months with an excellent customer service record, and at one time I held THREE jobs, to do for me. I didn't have a boyfriend. I worked at a grocery store, a toy store on the days I wasn't at the grocery store, and every once of "free time" I did have was spent BABYSITTING. I made my own means.
• I rely on my parents because ... they are my parents! They may live eight hours away, but they are who take care of me. I actually wish I'd chose to stay with them, but I wanted to stay near my boyfriend. Which makes it worth the sacrifice (I have a GOOD man, ya'll.) And what is to you? Are you mad because I can ask my parents for the moon and stars in the sky, and they work just enough to give that to me? I'm not trying to be sarcastic and/or funny. I'm being serious.
• I do whine to my mama. I admit. But who cares? I know she don't listen when I do that, anyway. :P
• I do not rely on my boyfriend. As a matter of fact my man. My man who does for me simply because he chooses to. If I ask him for the moon, he'll give it to me, because he loves me. He works hard for us, he takes care of me because he wants to. I've been trained to never rely on a man, and I often yell at him for handling jobs that typically belong to my parents or myself. One time I mentioned under my breath that I needed more bins in order to fit the rest of my belongings in my aunts house. HE WENT BOUGHT THEM ALL. That was never intended by me. My mom always says "You never have to tell a MAN what you need, he knows what you need." I don't have to ask him for anything. If I so much as think "Jump!" he's already trying to figure out "How high?" I know I don't need him, he's a young man as I am a young lady, but he's more of a man than my cousin could ever be.
• So what if I call my mama "mommy" or my man "baby" ; what business is it of yours?! Child.

I was mad ya'll. Then I refreshed my mind with Kelly Price's lyrics. I felt like crying myself to sleep, because for him to challenge me when he has NO IDEA what I'm going through. I thought I know I've gone through things he probably wouldn't even be able to think about! And then I came to "why are you explaining yourself to a child?" Uhg. I told him to never talk to me again for the rest of the year. This was broken, when I had to knock on his door to get MY phone charger from him. My own family. Child.

I'm sorry guys, I had to get that off my chest.

Good news!: Today is wash day :D; Shika, I'm trying the rollerset...pray for me ya'll. Haha. I will take pictures. :) And do any of you have any alternatives to Motion's Leave In?

Have a blessed day :)